Grandmasters say the most important question in the world is: Who am I? Or in other words: what is “I”? What is what I call “I”? What is what I call myself? You have understood what the world is and you have not understood who you are. You understand astronomy, you know what black holes and quasars are, you know computer science and you don’t know who you are. Well, you’re still in a coma. You are a sleeping scientist. You say you know who Jesus Christ is and you don’t know who you are! How do you know that you understood Jesus Christ? Who is the person who claims to understand all this? Let’s try to answer this question first. Is this answer not the foundation of everything? Misunderstanding gave birth to all religious fools who are responsible for religious wars – Muslims fighting Jews, Protestants fighting Catholics, and all the rest of these senseless conflicts. They don’t know who they are, because if they knew, they wouldn’t be at war.
Who lives in you? Discovering this can be frightening to you. You think you are free, and probably there is no such gesture, thoughts, emotions, attitude, the view that would not be borrowed from someone else. Isn’t that scary? And you don’t even know it. Let’s talk about the mechanical life that you imprinted on you. You are extremely sure of various things and you think that you are the one who is so sure of them. But is it really? You will need to be very aware of everything to understand that perhaps what you call “I” is a simple conglomeration of experience, conditioning and programming.
It’s a painful process. And in fact, when you start to wake up, you go through a lot of painful experiences. Crumbling illusions hurt painfully. Everything you think you have built is beginning to collapse. It hurts. And that’s what sorrow for sins is about, and that’s what awakening is about. So maybe let’s find a moment, right now, where we sit, to realize, even as I speak, what your body feels, what is going on in your mind and what emotional state you are in? Do you realize these boards, the colour of the walls, the material they are made of? And are you aware of my face, your own reactions to it? This is important because regardless of whether you are aware of it or not, you somehow react to it. And most likely it is not your reaction but the reaction you have been taught. And do you realize the content of what I just said – although memory will decide more than awareness? Realize your presence in this room. Tell yourself, “I’m in this room.” It’s like being outside watching yourself. You’ll notice a certain emotional difference compared to observing objects in the room. Then ask the question: “Who is the person who looks?” It’s me who looks at me. What is this “I”? What is this “me”? For now, it is enough if “I” will watch “me”. But if you find yourself condemning yourself, don’t stop condemning yourself, don’t give up approval, just look at them. “I” condemns “me”, “I” disapproves “me”, “I” approves “me”. Take a good look at this for a moment. Don’t try to change it! Don’t say, “Oh, we were not to do it.” Watch what happens. As I told you before, self-observation means following all that is happening inside you and around you as if it was not about you but someone totally strange.